/A very un-vogue engineer sees Vogue through new eyes/
I am a 33-year-old engineer who has made a career out of hiding my curves from the men and women in my field. For the first time in my life I read Vogue cover-to-cover as soon as it arrives in my mailbox. Until now, I rarely opened fashion magazines because I didn't want to open up the negative channel of voices in my head that blame society for these photos that tell me how I should look, criticize myself for being unable to shape my body into something that would appear in the pages of the magazine or condemn men for coveting women who look like starving refugees or thinking that someone who looks good is unable to write software much less think deeply about a complex problem.
Today, I read Vogue wondering about the latest fashions and how I can incorporate them into my wardrobe. Instead of only seeing models who weigh less than I did when I was in elementary school, I can look at the clothes they are wearing and say, "Cute fabric. Nice cut. I like the collar." I've been transformed from seeing only the negative - the things I can never have or the body I will never be - and instead see the possibilities that exist for me. Instead of scoffing at dressing up as a waste of time, it becomes a complex problem that would be fun to solve - so many variables! Color, texture, flow, length, tightness, so many curves to choose from, mixing and matching, creating something with integrity. The short jacket and straight skirt is something I can pull off and it doesn't have to bear the designer label, or be a size 2, or cost $15,000. It can be something from the Rack or a thrift store in the U District. It's a book of ideas to try on for size, not a Bible setting out rules that can't be broken.
Fashion is about wearing art and in being seen, being real -- existing. With so much negative energy in the world, with so much conformity and pressure to meet the status quo, wearing beautiful, stylish clothes can be a way of saying, "I'm an optimist. Humans can be violent, ugly creatures, but we can also be loving and beautiful. We can transform ourselves every day with what we decide to wear or how we style our hair." When I wear a great dress I'm saying, "Let's enjoy living!"
